O Christmas Tree...

So, tonight, the roommates and myself decided to meander downtown. I'd thought I'd let you know about it =)

It started of by Kelsey coming to get me and then we went to her house to wait for Ashli to get there. In the meantime, her parents were watching some movie. . . the only part I recall was someone getting stabbed in the neck with scissors. Yeah. . . but it ended up being a dream? Meh, that's why you don't just watch the ends of movies.

I found out that Kelsey's grandma has a picture of me on the beach (actually, the one used for my little profile photo) hung on her wall. Haha, I'm art.

So then Ash gets there and we head to Lloyd Center to hop on the Max. We get off at Pioneer Square. Our main objective was to see the ginormous tree and take photos. So we do the whole photo thing. . . here are some:

And here's the humdinger. . . the hugest tree ever (that's not in a forest, according to me)

We tried to get some couple to take a polariod of us. . . and being older you would think the guy would know how to work it but no; it ended up off centered and no tree in the background, just the base. Eh, whatever.

We tried many ways of getting pictures of ourselves. . . okay, not many but a few. This is the best we got. Sadly, this is our first roommate picture - took us only, oh, a semester. . .

This is the money maker shout though, taken by yours truly.

Okay, not really, but whatever. It's us. The tree. We're not picky. We then wandered around the streets of Portland, following a genuine crazy lady for a while. We tried to get a picture but it was too dark and she was too far away. Drats, I know. She was hard core crazy.

We then decided we should go to VooDoo Donuts and get, well, donuts. So we did. Because that's how we roll. I just got a cream filled one, mmm. I took a picture of the lighting fixture in there because it's my favorite. Like, I want to steal it.

We then made our way back to the Max and then proceeded to make our ways back home. Not before we saw numerous beggars of coarse. My favorite had to be the one asking for us for change as has waves a bottle of liquor in one hand. Really? Oh Portland.

Well, that's about it. It really was more fun than it seems, I'm not that great of a blogger. But you know what? If you're still reading thing. . . I like you. You should leave comments =)

These little icons are entertaining...

I'm bored and I like these icons. . . this is what you get:

I'm rambling...

You know what I have come to realize? I'm simple. Really, I would much rather sit at home with someone and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich rather than go to a high class restaurant with a 5 course meal. Granted, the second one would probably taste better, but you know what? I don't care. You wouldn't think I was simple by looking at say. . . my room. But I am. You know why? My room is simple. It's things I like. Things that make me happy. If they happen to match then wahoo! If they don't. . . I still like them. Even what I like is simple. It's pretty much everything.

I don't really know why I started talking about this.

Scratch that. I do.


My mom keeps making these weird foods because that's what "normal" moms do; cook elaborate meals and such. But in all reality, I just want cake. Haha. Or Ramen. That sounds kind of good, call me crazy. I don't know. I'm done with the subject though. Meh.

there really is something in the water...

Well, I suppose it's time for another blog.

So, I'm pretty sure that someone put something in the water at Cascade that makes people get engaged. Or at least get boyfriends/girlfriends. I don't understand it. Yes, I'm happy for them, it's all barftastic. But really...people need to chill out. I start to get scared because everyone around me is hooking up. . . I got nothing.

It's now the fifth day of Christmas break and I have officially done. . . nothing. Saturday I slept and when I awoke I found out that after all the boring mundane breaks someone had finally moved nearby with wireless. Woo! Something else to do besides sleep. Sunday was church. Eh. That's a whole other topic on it's own. Then we went to life group and then we had Christmas numero uno. We went to the place with the spinning steak - home of the 72oz. steak. Barf, anyone? Apparently, if you eat it all, along with practically a whole other meal, you get it for free. It's much harder than they let on, there are a whole bunch of rules to it. But yes, that was fun. Then we proceeded to my aunt and uncle's house for some mingling I guess you could say. My other uncle gave us these cool crosses that he had made and I found out that I am amazing at Wii bowling. Yep. That's about it for Sunday. Monday was rather uneventful until the evening when we were invited to dinner at Kevin Reed's house. Joined with another family from church, we had a lovely evening catching up on. . . life. Tuesday I pretty much did nothing yet again. I did, however, start the daunting task of making the Delta scrapbook. . . from last year. But, while I'm at home doing nothing, I make it a point to have it on the classic rock station so maybe something will soak in. I often find myself Googling songs but nonetheless, some information is being retained. I do this because a)what else is there to do? and b)so I am somewhat prepared when Spencer plays his 'who is it' game where I have to guess the artist. I hate that game.

Alas, that is my break thus far. I had some actual thing I was going to blog about but then it turned into a recap of my life. Meh. What are you going to do about it? That's right, nothing.



I'll leave you with a quote that just won some guy Blazer tickets on the radio,

"Gonna make you sweat, gonna make you groove"

Because sometimes a song says it better...

I’ve got a lotta things to do tonight
I’m so sick of making lists
Of things I’ll never finish
I’ve lived here for the last 12 years
Since early 1995 all my shit has been in boxes
But if I had a little more time to kill
I’d settle every little stupid thing
Yeah you’d think that I would

But I’m too tired to go to sleep tonight
And I’m too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and
Overcome each moment
In my own way

I wonder if I’ll ever lose my mind
I tried hard for awhile
But then I kind of gave up
Winter is killer when the sun goes down
I’m really not as stubborn as I seem
Said the knuckle to the concrete

But I’m too tired to go to sleep tonight
And I’m too weak to follow dreams tonight
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try to get better and
Overcome each moment
In my own way

I’m not saying that I’m giving up
I’m just trying not to think
As much as I used to
Cause never is a lonely little messed up word
Maybe I’ll get it right some day
For the first time in a long time I can say
That I want to try
I feel helpless for the most part
But I’m learning to open my eyes
And the sad truth of the matter is
I’ll never get over it
But I’m gonna try
To get better and overcome each moment
In my own way

I sure want to get back on track
And I’ll do whatever it takes
Even if it kills me

"Every day is ugly without you"

Sometimes, all you need to cheer you up is a dash of ska. Just saying. So, as it turns out, we are adding another roommate to the mixture next year. It's really looking like it's going to happen. Crazy. I was looking up some classes and such today...there are things I actually want to take. Ah!

But yes, so here I am, sitting in the JC during this here finals week. I'm pretty much done, I have to is listen to some presentations tomorrow, unfortunately, at eight in the morning. Death. This blog really has no point except to throw up some random thoughts that are in my head. So, going back to PCC, one of the thing that caught my eye was that they have this two year interior design program. It's like one of the only ones you can get through a community college. This made me think, "why didn't I come here right away after high school?" And I know what that reason is. The reason is that God was calling me to be as Cascade. I have grown a lot. I have become my own person and stepped out of the shadows I was living in. I had to be me, there was nothing else to hind behind. Guess what? Life didn't end. I gained some amazing friends. Plus, in the midst of that, I found a sisterhood that brought me so close to God.

And now I'm leaving that?

I'm coming back. I promise. My work isn't done here yet. I just need to get re-motivated and rejuvenated. I need to gather the scattered pieces of my life. I will be useless otherwise. I really want to be Delta President. I don't know how to smoothly transition into that, but that is what I want. But not now necessarily. I don't know if I am mentally, spiritually ready for that. Deltas would be the only thing that would keep me here right now, and though I love them to death, it isn't worth the monetary cost. It would be too hard to be engaged in the school aspect which should be the main focus while at...well, school.

That's all I got. For now.


Oh, and my title...it's from a Five Iron Frenzy song. It was playing and I like it. Just so you know.

Well, see....here's the thing.

Congrats. You get to witness my first real-type blog on a website that isn't myspace. You should be so lucky...


Well, here is it. The life of me...

These past few weeks have been making be question far too much than I care to be doing right now.

When really, I should be finishing my Brian Simmons paper that's due in...oh, less than 3 hours.

I love it here at Cascade, I really do. More so than I ever thought possible. I have made some amazing friends that I will keep with me whether they like it or not. I have found my niche in Deltas and I wouldn't trade that for the world. I'm just getting involved with ASBC and that has been cool too. I feel like I am finally going somewhere and not just sitting around waiting to be noticed, which I did for far too long. Choir has turned out to be a flop, but that is the least of my worries. I love Cascade. But, academically, it has nothing I want. I have tried to adjust my wants to fit it but in all reality, it doesn't. I can't change the things I like. I just can't.

So I went out with coffee with two friends. As we were talking, a preposition if you will, was proposed. Basically, we would get an apartment (and we looked and found the perfect one) and only one of us would go to Cascade full time next year. It's not me. If this move happened, I would come for a few classes, nothing major though. But if you think about it...it is SOOO much cheaper for me. A community college CLASS -mind you, CLASS- is cheaper than a CREDIT at Cascade. But Heather, you might say, remember you have to pay for utilities and food and such? Well, we did that math too. It's cheaper. Sure we need jobs, but I had one of those, I could do it again. Gah, it would be amazing. I could take things that actually interested me! ! The whole overall goal is to raise out GPAs which then could lead to more money. If I care and had interest in the classes I am positive I could excel in them.


But here is my problem. I want to come back to Cascade. I want to graduate. I do. I need that closure. But I want to be able to pick up where I left off. But I don't think that will be possible. You see, living with a male roommate can't look good. Oh yeah, did I mention that? One of them is male. I know it wouldn't be that sort of an issue. We're friends and if we were anything more I wouldn't put myself in that situation. But I'm afraid of what that will look like. Because if I were to come back I would really like to be in a leadership position with Deltas as well as ASBC. But since Cascade is what it is, I worry they will look down on my for living with a boy. Is that dumb? I know he would say it is, but really. Think of how it looks. And I know it's between us and God but I really don't want that to have an effect on...eligibility I guess you could say?



It's just really hard. I really want this. I'm pretty sure the only thing that is keeping me from jumping in all the way is how people will react. Will they lose any respect they had for me? Will it make me look bad? I hate it. I am so confused. And stressed. And I'm not going to lie, a bit pms-y.


Input would be lovely....really. Anything. Good. Bad. Random....anything.